Eggroll, Bagel, Cookie, Vengeance

The Four Ninja Food Groups

Monday, September 19, 2005

meet my purpose-driven Louisville Slugger

Were we all made for a purpose? Sure. And what on Earth are we here for? Community of course. If I wanted to, I could explain to you the five pillars that support both of these claims. However, I would instead like to take a moment to introduce something else: my purpose driven Louisville Slugger.

This thing is long, slim, and can apply a total beat-down to any pirate, dog, old lady, or wannabe gangsta to which I may apply it. Unlike Pant's intellect, it cannot be stopped. Seriously, this thing is bona fide.

Like all important issues that you face in life, this bat's significance can be characterized by 5 central points, that is, it ROCKS:
1.)R: it Represents true ultimate power.
2.)O: it Opens a can of whoop ass on those who deserve it
3.)C: it is Cool and sweet and awesome and makes me want to crap myself
4.)K: it Kills anyone to whom it is applied
5.)S: it is Stealth, so that by the time it has struck, you are like, "WOW! I am totally dead!"

See, my bat ROCKS.

But if one person's bat rocks, then anyone can ignore that. But what if you, that's right, you were to apply these simple principals to your life? Then there would be two bats that rock. That's two purpose driven bats... imagine!

Now, let's keep this going. Lets say we had the whole of Chucktown totin' purpose driven bats. Imagine! We would all be like, "I am totally pissed! I wanna kill, kill, kill!", and so all the pirates would be crapping themselves, like, "Oh my god! We are so totally dead!"

Well, you get the idea. The nation, the whole world even, united under this simple ROCKS principal, then we would all be totally sweet, and all the pirates would be all beat up, and bloody, and not even dead, but like, "aw, man, this totally hurts! I would kill myself, but I am not even cool enough for that!"

And what a great sight that would be. But it all starts with you. And with me. I know that you probably have all sorts of complicated questions, but I assure you that it is really simple. Just go and do. Be purpose driven. Don't let questions and doubt get the better of you. If we all just go out and do it, then we cannot be stopped.


Blogger muffin said...

Wow, that's way better than my "Goal-oriented stick with a nail in it". Rock on.

10:24 AM  
Blogger Kay-D said...

You provided more entertainmant than watching the second hand on the clock go round in CAD lab.
Thank you.

11:58 AM  
Blogger the flea said...

you are a true inspiration. i'm going to find something in my life that rocks.

3:31 PM  
Blogger The Professor of Historical Sarcasm said...

What about a purpose-driven rock? By its very nature, it rocks. You rock, rock.

1:28 PM  
Blogger Milkshake said...

I have a purpose driven bottle opener. It is useful in all kinds of pursuits i.e. drinking large quantities of bottled beer.

10:16 PM  
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2:04 PM  
Blogger Thaozee said...

to ayoye, it is obvious that a purpose driven bat will reduce what is found a dump yards. One swing of the bat will turn anything into 70's GoGo dancers, intent on pleasing and gyrating.

4:07 AM  
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Blogger eve said...

a great way to wake up in the morning!

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

San Diego is having a Hot Rod Halloween on Sunday, October 30. If you love car tire then you will want to be there! All kinds of car tire will be in attendance. For more information go to car tire
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2:15 AM  
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3:03 AM  
Blogger Thaozee said...

Update or I'll cut you

10:29 PM  
Anonymous Jennifren said...

Darn you,koalaMan, I was at my local house of Christian marketing (eg Christian book store--and yes we have them out here, they're just fewer and farther between than in your part of the world) and there was Purpose Driven stuff EVERYWHERE.

And all I could think was, where the heck's the Purpose Driven Louisville sluggers?

Meanwhile, how 'bout you apply some of that batting power to the comment spam rot you seem to have acquired here?

1:28 AM  
Anonymous Señor Usted said...

This was a very unentertaining read and I want my minute back.

Try a little less hard to be funny and let the "random" come naturally - you'll surely score better with Jesus.

7:36 AM  
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