Eggroll, Bagel, Cookie, Vengeance

The Four Ninja Food Groups

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

I'm fine with his raw food kick, I've been baked for 25 minutes at 350.

Why would a delicious breakfast snack seek to master the ways of ninjitsu? Self-preservation, bitch! Since I've escaped the burning burningness of my steel womb, I've fought a never-ending battle against those that would devour me. I'm succulent, is that my fault? The path has been difficult; it is very hard to assassinate hungry commuters when you lack limbs and sensory organs. My favorite technique is to hide poison needles in my paper cover, waft my delicious blueberry odor at my quarry, and when they lean in to grasp me, BAM! they die. As for Koalaman, good luck with the raw food thing, now I might not have to kill you. As for the rest of you, Fear my blueberry vengeance!


Blogger accomplice said...

We bow to your blueberry vengeance!

10:07 AM  
Blogger fmragtops said...

That sounds like a very crafty technique for a limbless, senseless, succulant pile of baked dough. It's a good thing I go to Smoothy King for breakfast in hopes of not being felled by your blueberry vengeance.

10:59 AM  
Blogger oilspill said...

Great article!!! Don't worry, I go for strawberries!

1:12 PM  
Blogger Zack Brown said...

Come Visit the Big Red Blog:

4:04 PM  
Blogger Zeppellina said...

Ah...little blueberry....
It is your destiny to be eaten...!

4:11 PM  
Blogger Bryan DiTolvo said...

i love your website. it's kinda cool to see what ninjas do in their spare time besides kick people in the face and disappear in the woods in a cloud of smoke. something about blueberrys demands vengeance... im not sure what it is but it's there. i hope you read my short story. it's at
or you can just click on my name. us bloggers got to stick together.

12:17 AM  
Blogger Thaozee said...

The fury of a ninja is only matched by the wrath of a blueberry

3:05 AM  
Blogger devin tomaney said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

10:34 AM  
Blogger Milkshake said...

How the fuck does a muffin type? Actally, wait--here's a better question for everyone: How do Wookies pronounce thier own names?

12:28 PM  
Blogger TwistedNoggin said...

I don't know... I think I could withstand the needles, but I am allergic to wheat. :(
I'd take on Wolverine, but I forfeit to you, muffy.

1:37 PM  
Blogger TwistedNoggin said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Muffins have to be eaten. It is the only way.

7:58 PM  
Blogger muffin said...

devin tomaney, surely you must realize that as both a ninja and a muffin I have a wide range of assassination techniques. I would not reveal my only technique should enemies be blogging.

miranda moure, Chewbacca's name is not actually "Chewbacca" in the wookiee/wounded muskrat language. His name is actually ewwwchhyyra. That means "chewing tobacco".

6:37 AM  
Blogger oilspill said...

Try out

6:57 AM  
Blogger Miklos Fejer said...

This is a very curious blog.

I'm not sure what to make of it yet, but I'll definitely keep reading.

Thanks guys!

9:07 PM  
Blogger FilthyRottenAngel said...

wookies break everything.

including blueberry muffins. BEWARE!

7:08 AM  
Blogger Rachael said...

Great blog, Muffin! Although I prefer rasberries... they tend to be mushy which is not to my liking ^_^

Don't mind me.


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Comments appreciated
Site feed:

9:32 AM  
Blogger devin tomaney said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

2:31 PM  
Blogger confuzzr said...

fuck you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7:28 PM  
Blogger PipeTobacco said...


Do you ever have any vegetarian recipies?

Thank you for giving me (and others) interesting material to read. Reading blogs is a great joy and allows us to experience so much more than the traditional media/literature.


8:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

youre realy sad

12:38 PM  
Blogger BushCheney08 said...

4:11 PM  
Blogger Milkshake said...

Oh!! Now I get it. Thanks for clearing that up, muffin. Apparently your awesome ninja prowess is not limited to matters of mere combat, but also stretches into the realms of the mind and star wars trivia. Most excellent.

6:37 PM  
Blogger Jo said...

10:10 PM  
Blogger Jo said...

10:11 PM  
Blogger one said...

I like it, even though I have no idea what this blog is about. I'm strange that way...only like things I can't understand.

10:14 AM  
Blogger Eddie said...

I have more to say on this at

1:07 PM  
Blogger wasssa said...

Arr! I challenge you, ninja! I mock your ninja-ness and do not fear "the blueberry vengeance." Any of my swabbies could defeat you and your pastry. ;)

~Deuce the Pirate

1:20 PM  
Blogger Thorpedo said...

hey everyone. please check out my short story and future short stories at

2:48 PM  
Blogger another random slacker said...

There is an inner zen to the blueberry that is undoubtedly lacking in other berries (the blackberry, though my favorite, lacks this zen...) I am humbled in the presence of a truly fruity sensei (and notice how Deuce the Pirate seeks to lure you into the age old battle of Pirates vs. Ninja... it would be interesting to hear a blueberry's view on this war)

3:02 PM  
Blogger Chesty said...

I've had blueberry poured out upon my humble colon - now i cook everything within an inch of burnt!

learn spanish in Costa Rica

6:18 PM  
Blogger Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

Try duplicating yourself in a foil wrapped cloning extravaganza, launching bean and chilli genetic variants of yourself on the world at large. Once consumed in an honourable battle to the death by mankinf around the world, you will be reincarnated as a big brown dogs egg. Once filtered back to the sea through the ceramic pipes of justice, you can start a an army of underwater beings return to the shore for your vengeance


7:41 AM  
Blogger Chaz said...

Congratulations on being listed on blogger's front page!

Check out my blog,, for a good laugh. Be sure to leave a comment so I know you were there!

Chaz out.

8:57 AM  
Blogger Sharra said...

What's up
Wow what a tyte A$$ Article you have here by
the way tyte a$$ name who would have thought of a name with ninja in it. "Bow to the mighty Ninja Group" NOT!! jp with ya laters

12:10 PM  
Blogger Sharra said...

What's up
Wow what a tyte A$$ Article you have here by
the way tyte a$$ name who would have thought of a name with ninja in it. "Bow to the mighty Ninja Group" NOT!! jp with ya laters

12:12 PM  
Blogger fangchu said...

very informative n fun to read.
keep up the good work.

12:46 PM  
Blogger yosuke said...

I think you are interested in ninja aren't you?? I am Japanese but I do not know about ninja very much. Could they move so fast? Could they run the surface of the water? I wish I was ninja!!

1:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sorry muff daddy, this is unrelated to everything except how you want to wake up. tell me you love your hetero-life mate.

say it.

10:29 AM  
Blogger Long Island Guide said...


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2:41 PM  
Blogger foodsnob said...

Real ninjas eat corn muffins (the breakfast of a ninja champ)the bluberries slow them down.
Watch out for them they be slick.

1:18 PM  
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Anonymous WoW Gold Guides said...

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2:50 PM  
Blogger janice said...

great post..

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4:55 AM  

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