Eggroll, Bagel, Cookie, Vengeance

The Four Ninja Food Groups

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

let me tell 'ya somethin....

Ok, so I was doin' my thing, chillin' out in the paint store, looking for a cool green paint for my lil' tike-to-be's branch, and enjoying some of the eucolyptis mints I so love. And then, this ole' bag walks up with her little yipper and says, "hey! kids love dogs? Say, why don't you get your younguns to pet my dog? Besides, my dog has only been around kids once before... this would be a great experience for her!"

So I was like, "ahhhh, naw man! This ain' real!" I wan'ted to unleash the fury of my fierce claws, but then I remembered my kids, and how they need to see the big bear keep hiz cool. So I just focused on the inner power animal, and the mints... mints... ah, mints. I just gathered the crew up and said, "nah, we don't dig on no dawgs." But this wench wouldn't leave me be! So, we just grabbed our paint and split.

What's a marsupial to do? I guess that's what I get for leavin' the home tree with the kids. Next time I need some cool green paint, or really any other domestic maintenance supplies, I think I'll fly solo, so that I can break out my shaolin treewalker style on the next scallywag that disrespects.

Don't let the sweet taste fool ya, lest you forget that I F&*'in represent.... peace.


Blogger bschneider5 said...

Interesting post! You can find a related post on Bradsblog

7:44 PM  
Blogger lila said...


9:19 PM  
Blogger Professor Leotus Clouse & The Duke of Sweet Cheeks said...

Indeed, old ladies these days have no respect for the youtherly. They better watch their lip, or I'm gonna have to put a hurtin on that hip. haha!

9:47 PM  
Blogger Mister Underhill said...

Old people. what a menace, always all like 'warriors come out and plaayaaaayy'.

11:37 PM  
Blogger Afe said...

My motto: "When in doubt, always claw to death".

4:31 AM  
Blogger Daniel Heath said...

I was going to give you mad props for your restraint with the claws (the true path of the warrior sometimes involving not clawing fools to death) but I was just informed by my office-mate that:

non-dairy creamer is inflammable!

I'm at work, so I can't try this out, but I was telling him about this post and he recommended blowing a big cloud of burning non-dairy-creamer in her face, a-la those secret ninja flash bomb things only... non-dairy creamer.

10:35 AM  
Blogger robbio said...

People need to be schooled on the 'I don't give a crap about your dog' etiquette.
Sometimes you just got to lay down the law...especially on old ladies with yappy dogs.
And don't hold back because of the kids, you'd be settin' a good example.

10:57 AM  
Blogger RK said...

I know someone who, when she has an appointment, she goes through the Rax drive-through and buys her little dog a roast beef sandwich (don't know whether the little guy gets fries or not). Truly amazing.

If you haven't seen this post, you have to--at least once in your life:

12:06 PM  
Blogger im here somewhere said...

This is absolutely the funniest, most interesting and diverse blogpost I have ever read.I seriously just pee'd my pants.Ill be back to visit often...toni

1:30 PM  
Blogger COMIX EXPLOSION said...

Uhhh..... yeah. Palpatine, Pope...... the same? That is really creepy.

2:44 PM  
Blogger Denise said...

Just gotta wonder at a person that would INSIST you all pet her dogs... anyhow.

9:46 PM  
Blogger spoonleg said...

You should have spiked the dog with your ninja stars.

12:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

She was probably trying to 'socialize' her dog - get it used to strangers so it won't attack them although not everyone is partial to furry animals that bite!

- C K "Choppy" Yap

7:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:23 PM  
Blogger Rowan said...

Old ladies can be so weird. When my daughter was about 6 months old, my husband & I went to this touristy town for the day. We walked into this crowded little shop & the old lady behind the counter went all gaga over the baby. She asked to hold her & I said yes, while giving my hubby the “watch this lady” eye.
We were looking around & suddenly she takes off for the back door. My 300 pound husband nearly tackled her as I shrieked “stop her!” Apparently someone had asked for something from the back room & she just figured it’d be OK to leave the room with someone’s baby. When we told her that was unacceptable, her response was…”I’m a good person – I work here.” --- Oh, well that changes everything, now, doesn’t it?

12:04 AM  
Blogger Diana said...

When i was seduced into seeing the new starwars movie with my finace (because he held promises of chocolate but did not fulfill) i started to laugh when Emporer Palpatine came onto the screen, everyone looked at me but seriously i guess even the Pope can moonlite as an actor.

7:20 PM  
Blogger Marm said...

a good line from a bad movie 'Flying Virus'. "I have a good Idea! Let's run!".

1:28 PM  
Blogger Shooterchick said...

Dont you just hate it when old smelly people come over and start messin with you??? I do! but nice job on not pulling out the claws, you have more restraint then i do... I am proud of you. :)

2:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...







10:31 PM  

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